Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Searching for Rainbows (December Moment)

Dec. 13, 8:00 p.m.
The darkness of a winter night is closing in.  Clara and I sit at the dining room table working on her home work. Over on the living room sofa, Henry and his girlfriend sit close, heads bowed together, giggling over something on one of their iphones.  I hear the sound of the dog gnawing on a bone - chewing, always chewing, that one. The lights on the Christmas tree blink on and off. I get up to make myself a cup of tea. It should be an idyllic scene, but something's not quite right. Because tonight, once again, I'm acting as a single parent.  I'm weary, but holding it together.
Suddenly, I hear a voice. His voice. Chatting with Clara. I realize that she has dialed him up in the hospital on "Face Time." Clara chats with her daddy and then hands the phone to me so I can show him the microwave we bought this afternoon. Then off to Henry, so the two of them can talk about his day.
Paul's back in the hospital.  Again. It turns out that none of his siblings is a bone marrow match and can be a donor for the transplant that the doctors would like to do.  They expect it will be a few months before they can locate a donor and perform a transplant. So, the doctors decided that he "might as well" finish the last two rounds of chemotherapy.  After we already had an "end of chemo" party. Sigh.
Yes, we've hit a bump in the road.  We all went into a bit of a funk yesterday, but now I hear Clara chatting animatedly and I am thankful that she and Paul hatched a plan to connect with Face Time.  She patiently showed her daddy how to install it on his phone and then how to use it.  It's a nice break in the day, a beacon of hope, just like the rainbow I saw this morning during a break in the rain. Yes, we've hit a bump in the road, but we will continue to search for rainbows. And donors.
Edited to add: I wrote this moment last week. Paul came home late Saturday evening, and, if everything goes well, he should be home for the holidays. Please don't be sad when you read this moment. It is just life at a certain moment in time. We're disappointed, but we remain guardedly optimistic for a good long term outcome. As always, I appreciate your prayers and believe strongly in their power.
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The recording of this "Simple Moment" is inspired by Alexa of Trimming the Sails. To see other December moments, click on this link.

27 comments:

Amy said...

Oh Rinda, that's such disappointing news to hear. I'm glad Clara sorted out the communications, every little bit of time together helps to keep connected.

I hope a suitable donor is found soon and that the rainbows are plentiful and bright.

Mary B said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Huggles}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}Rinda I am so sorry that Paul is back in hospital. I do hope that a match can be found sooner rather than later.

Karen said...

Let"s hope this setback is only a little short term one and that a donor can be found quickly. How lovely that Clara took the time to show her daddy how to stay in touch with you when he is in hospital. Thinking of your family and praying for you all.

alexa said...

Rinda, I feel really sad reading this: the heaviness of the moment really comes through and I wish there was something I could do to ease the feeling of having to cope on your own. I do hope something is sorted for Paul soon, and that Face Time becomes a happy way of connecting you all. I too will be wishing for rainbows for you ... Thank-you so much for joining in, especially when you have so much else to absorb your time and energy. Thinking of you xx.

Jane said...

so sorry for you all xx

Missus Wookie said...

Oh Rinda - the sadness and weariness comes through so poignantly here. So thankful for FaceTime and the hope of donors. I hope the last two rounds of chemo go as smoothly as possible and that Paul is home soon.

Becky said...

Oh Rinda, I am so sorry that you have hit a bump in the road. I do hope that Paul doesn't suffer too much through the next two rounds of chemo and that a donor can soon be found for him. How lovely that he can chat on Face Time with you all and make you all feel a bit closer at this difficult time. Thinking of you all xx

Karen said...

Words can't describe how sorry I was to read this. I'll be lifting up more prayers that a donor will be found quickly and a ray of sunshine will flood your heart! Thank goodness for Face Time!

Cheri said...

This post made me so sad! I hope a suitable donor can be found soon and that Paul is home and feeling well for Christmas!

laurie said...

my thoughts are with you right now as we all look for some "glimmer" to hang onto this holiday season. i am so stressed out with things to do at work and home in the next few days - i often forget to take a deep breath and focus on what's good in this moment. i hope paul is back home with you soon...

Elizabeth said...

It is disappointing news but your family is handling it and you are growing stronger. Hopefully, a donor will soon be found. We never see rainbows here.

Deb @ Paper Turtle said...

It's hard to not feel sad after reading the words of someone we love and care so much about, Rinda. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily, and I have to tell you how proud I am of you. Your strength and tenacity is a fine example to your children and to all how know and love you.

I love that Clara set up FaceTime with Paul! I'm going to figure out how to be tested and put on a list to be a bone marrow donor - something I've thought about doing for years, but I promise I'll make the time for it now.

Chin up, my friend! xo

Alison said...

I can feel your disappointment and heaviness of heart Rinda.....the way you are dealing with your situation is an example to us all..know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...praying especially for Paul to be home with you all for Christmas
{{hugs}}
Alison xx

Fiona said...

I really hope and pray this is only a little bump in the road and that things straighten out again. Love to you all.

~*~Patty S said...

and my prayers will keep winging their way to you and your precious family Rinda...

thank you for sharing your rainbows and your sorrows with us

Brightest of Blessings All Ways!
oxo

Irene said...

Dear cousin, I am keeping you all in my prayers, especially Paul.

scrappyjacky said...

The sadness does come through in the post,Rinda....and understandably so....but I'm so glad to hear that Paul will be home for Christmas. You are all in my thoughts and prayers...sending you love.

Gail said...

I am so sad to read that none of Paul's siblings were a match. Praying that a match is found soon and that these last 2 rounds are not too painful for him. Thatis so great that Clara showed Paul how to unstall and use it so you all can communicate while is in hospital.

Anonymous said...

sending good thoughts to your family, always!!

Mariana

nancy y said...

thinking of you all! And adding you to prayers that a donor is found quite soon for Paul! You and your family are strong and inspiring.
Merry Christmas.

Jo Murray said...

So many ups and downs Rinda. Am thinking of you all and wish you a joyous Christmas together as a family. Keep strong.

Gloria said...

Thank you for taking the time out of your troubled day to comment on my blog. I am hoping a donor will turn up soon and all will go well with a transplant. Our prayers are with you, today. You have made us happy with your artwork.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

So sorry about none of his siblings working out as a donor. I hope one is found quickly.

Jimjams said...

I hope that the New Year brings new success in a donor match - {{{my thoughts are with you all}}}

Anne said...

Rinda, thank you so much for your comments regarding my Dad. I love you for your way of looking at difficult moments in life as only a moment in time. I send you all my best wishes for all your family and for you and Paul. You are both an inspiration to me. You are good people and good people are always rewarded. xxx

S said...

Oh thanks for sharing. I'm glad you all were able to rebound a little after being knocked by that bump in the road. Your attitude of always moving forward is inspiring. And prayers are being said, you can count on that!

Carolyn Dube said...

What a beautiful rainbow! Those bumps in the road can be so painful- sending you good thoughts for a long and smooth road!